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| dad watching TV in the hospital bed |
I've been so busy lately that I really haven't had time to blog much. (I write them and don't finish them so I have a bunch I need to finish and post) When dad is doing well I tend to get busy. I'm not sure what I do, but it started last spring with the yard and garden and its just kept going. So it's good that dad is doing well. And it gives me a reprieve. That can all change with the blink of an eye.
Two weeks ago, out of nowhere, he spiked a fever and lost all the strength in his legs. I've been down that road before, so I wasted no time getting him to a doctor. Well, I tried Urgent Care first, which was a waste of time and we ended up in the ER and then the hospital for five days. He has bounced back really quickly this time which I'm very grateful for. He was able to come home instead of going to rehab. A decision that I may have made to quickly-because Tom and I both ended up with the same flu-and baby, what a ride-but because he bounced back so quickly and is gaining so much strength with the in home therapy it's all come out alright. But this last round in the hospital got me thinking. About time. How much time do I really have left with dad?
I'm very much a doer. If Jesus were over for dinner I would definitely be a Martha. If you know that story, you know Mary was at the feet of Jesus, and Martha thought Mary should be helping her with the work. The Martha's of this world relate. We understand there is a job to be done and someone has got to do it. But what the story is all about is that you miss the best thing while you're doing the good thing and "getting stuff done".
I had been thinking that I'd been so busy that I hadn't been taking the time with Dad that I should. I provide for his needs and do the work that by now is second nature to his care, but I have been missing a vital piece. The caring for his soul. I've written about this before, I think, and I believe it should be THE priority in my care taking-so why do I find I've let this slip through the cracks? Because I got busy being Martha again.
People need to connect. To be loved. It is our most basic need. How often do we care for people in the most practical ways yet miss the most important way. To care for a child, spouse or a parent's physical needs-but be so busy "doing" we miss doing the more important work of feeding their souls? I realize that it's not an actual job or something tangible that I can mark off a list. But darn it! Why isn't it? So, I'm going to put that on my list. 1) exercise 2) finish laundry 3) attend to dads soul care...Or better yet 1) attend to dads soul care 2) exercise 3) finish laundry.
I had been thinking that I'd been so busy that I hadn't been taking the time with Dad that I should. I provide for his needs and do the work that by now is second nature to his care, but I have been missing a vital piece. The caring for his soul. I've written about this before, I think, and I believe it should be THE priority in my care taking-so why do I find I've let this slip through the cracks? Because I got busy being Martha again.
People need to connect. To be loved. It is our most basic need. How often do we care for people in the most practical ways yet miss the most important way. To care for a child, spouse or a parent's physical needs-but be so busy "doing" we miss doing the more important work of feeding their souls? I realize that it's not an actual job or something tangible that I can mark off a list. But darn it! Why isn't it? So, I'm going to put that on my list. 1) exercise 2) finish laundry 3) attend to dads soul care...Or better yet 1) attend to dads soul care 2) exercise 3) finish laundry.
And how can we do this? How can we honor a parents soul? A caring touch or a hug. Looking into their eyes when you ask them how they are this morning. Listening, when you ask how they are. Making time to talk to them for more than just a mealtime conversation. Letting them tell the same story you've heard a hundred times as though it was the first time. Making them feel valuable and important and useful, when society says the exact opposite. Saying "I love you dad". These are a few, but you get the drift. It's the little things. The things we can forget when there is a flurry of activity and things to get done.
The elderly have to deal with an incredible amount of loss. I spend a lot of time with them anymore and I can tell you the losses are many. Most have lost a spouse of many years. Loneliness is huge in that demographic. As is depression. Taking care of their physical needs is of course critical. But taking care of their soul needs is a little harder. They may have mental issues that makes it harder to figure out what if anything you can do for their soul. But Alzheimer research has shown that music can open up the soul of a person otherwise closed by the disease. There is much research on the healing effects of touch and smell. My experience has been that while that person is not who they used to be there is still a soul locked in that mind. Even those whose minds have been ravaged by the disease may respond to something deeper that touches their soul.
So, while I don't want him to go to the hospital again, it did snap me back to the realities of time and lack thereof. Being a busy Martha it's easy to be distracted by the physical needs in the world. It reminded me to make sure that my care taking is as much about the soul care as it is about his physical needs. And slowing down always gives me the gift of intention. When I go through my day with intention I can lay my head down on the pillow at night and even if I've checked nothing of my "to do" list, I can sleep well knowing I did what was really important that day.
