Trimming Trees and Caretaking

Before I get into some of the more practical aspects of caretaking, I want to tell you a little story.  Back many years ago when we lived in the suburbs of Chicago in the house and place I remember as some of the best times of my life--you know, those years where the kids are not teens yet and your parents are not too old yet? (and neither are you!) Those years.

I had a large yard and gardened like I did everything else in my life, full out and all the way.  I moved yards (10 or more) of compost each spring to the various garden beds and tended my flower and vegetable beds almost daily. It was glorious work. And that yard was a work of art.  What I love about the garden is that it is new each year. I created new vignettes every year in the ever evolving landscape. And like the garden, those years we some of the best for me.  Relatively problem free and we were just really in a good place there.

One day while the older kids were at school and the youngest was napping, I decided to trim a tree branch that had been bugging me for a while. There was this one low branch that just needed to be trimmed off.  So I dragged out the step ladder and a hand saw and set about the task. I set the ladder up under the offending branch and stepped up with saw in hand. The ladder was a little old and wobbly, but not too bad. I climbed a few steps further up that unsteady ladder to the last step. Reaching the limb, I took hold of it and began to saw. With each pull of the saw the little ladder rocked.  I think you know where this is going.

Now I'm not always the sharpest tool in the shed. I lead with my heart and I will never be remembered for my incredible intellect. It's ok. I've accepted that.  I have other strengths. It takes all kinds and while we always want what we don't have, part of life is playing to the strengths you've been given. I've always felt I had good common sense though, but where it was that day, I'm not sure.

It wasn't a thick branch, maybe an inch and a half or two. I'm almost through it when don't you know--(of course you do!) the ladder rocks just a little too far with that last pull of the saw and then-being the ever resourceful woman that I am-I grab a branch and hang on as the ladder gives way beneath me and tips over on the ground. Only the branch I grabbed is the very one-you guessed it-that I am trimming and have almost cut through. Well, you get the picture. I'm hanging there for a brief few seconds, holding a saw in one hand and clinging to a branch that threatens to finish ripping from the tree from my weight with the other. There for that brief second I didn't realize how badly this would end. Until it did. Ouch. I didn't just hit the ground, I fell on top of the ladder.  I'm pretty sure that's when I permanently injured my hip. (I hear you laughing and it's ok! Humor and being able to laugh at life and myself is one of my strengths. I’ve also had a lot of practice!)

At first I was stunned. I just laid there in a heap, unable to move from the pain.  I thought I might throw up. I rolled off the ladder and remember thinking "Gosh, I hope no one saw that!" Not one of my finer moments. I must have been in shock but I remember wondering if I was going to have to crawl in the house and call 911 or perhaps just perish in the front yard from my own stupidity.  A few minutes into the incredible pain, I remember thinking about my sleeping son in the house.  I couldn't just lay out here indefinitely. And I think I honestly almost passed out. Painfully I made it to my hands and knees and began to crawl to the front door. Once inside, I laid on the floor until I could lift my head without feeling like I was going to hurl.  Eventually, the nausea passed and I was able to stand and limp to the couch. My son woke and I remember thinking I should see a doctor, but I don't think I ever did. I do vividly remember a bruise that covered my entire hip and a sore hip for a really long time. (I really don't think I went to the doctor because it was so stupid and I didn't want to explain what happened!!) That hip has problems to this day.

I may lose a few with the spiritual side of my story, but I hope not because it is in these lessons that I have found real peace and the sacred side of caring for dad. I promise not to get all preachy every post or tell you lofty things that sound really spiritual!!  That's not who I am. Trust me. But I have always had this side to me. If you're coming from my other blog you already know I tell you this story because I love a good metaphor. Caretaking, or any trial in life, can look a lot like this story. We see an issue (the branch/dad's situation), we think it's a relatively easy job and we know what to do (trim it/caretaking), and we go about it by bringing out our tools to fix it.  We don't really ask God about it.  It looks pretty straight forward. Even simple. I've got this!  Ah, there's the trouble.  As I've said, I've done caretaking all wrong.  Usually with the same results as the tree trimming story. What I've learned, on some days but certainly not all, is that when I try to drag out my own resources to do a job without making sure they are going to be stable and on solid ground, I'm in trouble. God is the solid ground. He can help you trim the tree if He calls you to do it, but you'd better be sure you borrow his tools and don't try to rely on yours.  Yours are not going to cut it. Or like my story, they'll cut it but you'll be hanging by the branch you almost cut through before your ladder falls over!!

There are a lot of issues that come into play when caring for an elderly person. You are responsible for that person's well being and that's not a small thing.  So whether it's as simple as holding my tongue so I don't bruise his spirit or something larger like rushing to the doctor in an emergency, my first order of business should be asking the man upstairs for the right tools. I say this with all sincerity and knowing that twenty minutes after I post this I will be hanging from a partially sawn limb!!  But I knew better when I climbed that ladder and it wobbled. I should have stopped then. And I didn't. (slow learner?) I am smart enough not to repeat things that have the potential to HURT BAD! Pain is not easily forgotten, so it too has a purpose. And I have learned much through this thing called caretaking. I have had and caused some pain. Luckily, I don't repeat the same stupid thing twice.  Ok, maybe I do, but I'm working on it!

We aren't called to do life or it's problems on our own. Matt. 11:28-30 says:  Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light".  So the key word here is "come". He doesn't say "come to me all polished up and smelling good". He just say's "come". He doesn't say "come to me when you get it figured out and I will bless it".  No, there are no conditions to it. Just come. Come before, during or after you've screwed it up. He's always there, whenever you figure out you need His help. All we have to do is come! It's that simple.

When I finally began to come, things slowly began to change. I know He redeems my impulsivity and good intentions. But it's a lot less work to just wait for Him to bring you a ladder and place it on solid ground! The trick  for me is not to just throw up this little prayer asking God to bless what I think needs to be done, but instead to ask Him for the wisdom to know what really needs to be done and for His strength to do it. The job may still be difficult but the right tools can save us a lot of time, trouble, exertion and pain!

As I said in my first post, I've learned a lot about myself during this process. Most of what I'm learning about myself are my limits. The last 6 years have been some of the hardest, yes. But also some of the richest in terms of finding God and myself in the process. This is the overriding lesson: I have limits. God has none. Why would I not come?