Who Takes Care of the Caretaker?

Who takes care of the caretaker? You do. You are the best person to make sure you are taken care of. You are really the only one who knows what you need. They say you can't take good care of anyone if you don't take care of yourself. Since I've been caretaking my health has taken some hits. As a woman, which is all I can speak to, we just power through anything that doesn't absolutely sideline you (usually that's called motherhood) because there are people who depend on you. Until you can't. And that's what "they" are talking about. When you are sidelined. Then who takes care of the people who are depending on you? 

I'm going to break this post down into several because I've learned that taking care of yourself takes a holistic approach.  In this post I want to talk about taking care of yourself with exercise. Now wait! Before you click away, hear me out. I'm not going to suggest you start running marathons or anything. What I am going to tell you is why I know it works and why as a caretaker it might make sense to explore the idea.

I know it works because I saw it modeled in my dad. Dad always took care of himself physically. Maybe it was his disciplined military training, but he always kept himself fit.  So the models I had were mom and dad. Mom was pretty good, but was inconsistent and really battled her weight. What I saw with mom was a struggle that came from inconsistency and lack of discipline. (And that's me)  What I saw with dad was a lifestyle that kept things in check. I am 100% sure-because I've done a lot of research-that physical exercise kept his mind sharper, longer, than it would have been otherwise. Dad ran every day of the work week and did "calisthenics" when I was growing up. When he could no longer run due to his knee, he walked four miles daily and did his calisthenics.  When he could no longer take long walks in his 80's, he took shorter ones with his dog.  He just did it. And kept doing it. So when I saw research that said that physical exercise kept all those neuro pathways healthy--I was sold!!  Now that he can't walk very far anymore, I make sure he does chair exercises or rides his recumbent bike. Because I know that helps his mind! Now if that worked for him, it can work for me-and you! So our lifestyle can not only affect our health as we ourselves age, it can keep our minds sharper longer as well. If you have Alzheimer's in your family, it's something to consider.   

But exercise is also a proven stress reliever. And if you are caretaking in any form you have stress.  Managing the stress was something I wasn't doing very well. I've always tried to take care of myself. To me, that looks like keeping my weight manageable, eating healthy and moderate exercise. But I'm not like dad. I'm not very self disciplined. I do better with accountability and sociability! And caretaking really limits those options. So when my friend suggested I try a spinning class at the gym up the street, only five minutes away, I thought "why not"?  Thought. I. Would. DIE...but I went back. (Glutton for punishment I guess!) Amazingly, all those people in that class made it all the way through class with a sheen of sweat and a smile at the end! I can do this, I can do this! And pretty soon I was! There were times when I would be maxed out by stress and I would get on that bike and just pedal for all I was worth-and come out feeling so much better. What I learned was that I not only handled the stress better, but I got out of the house, I did something just for me, and I felt better as the months went by. I was learning to take care of the caretaker! 

I've kept that up for three years now. Pretty proud of myself since I'm not a hard core workout person. No crossfit for this girl! Too old, never going to win any marathons. But I did notice that I could burn off some of the negative energy in those classes and that my overall endurance began to improve. In-home caretaking can be isolating, so the social aspect was good for me too. And I was happier, because I was doing something for me. Just me. Something that was ultimately going to be good for me. I've always done yoga but hadn't kept that up-so I added that in regularly as well. Yoga really helps with stress and gives you flexibility and tones your muscles. I lift some light weights as well.  I kept walking on the days I didn't spin and, like dad, I just do it. (Or like Nike) I've realized exercise is not a luxury. It's a necessity. What if you don't have time?  You have to prioritize time for yourself. I'm pretty sure you can find a half an hour somewhere in your day to take a walk. It really is just that simple. A body in motion, stays in motion.  

The moral of the story is that while exercise is good for my mind and relieves stress, I was doing something for ME. When you are a caretaker you are giving of yourself all day long. You need to remember to give to yourself as well. Do good things for yourself. Because I know from experience, if you don't take care of yourself you really can't take good care of anyone else.