On a Clear Day

I write today from my heart. I'm not going to second guess it or save it and read it tomorrow to see if I should put it out there. I write to give it my voice and to join with others who have or are going through the same. There is something about shared experience that makes it easier. So this is for me, but also for all of you I know are going through the same thing. I hope it encourages you.

I try to keep a glass half full approach to life. I live with a glass half empty dad these days. I wouldn't say he's unhappy, just old and tired and sort of done. His favorite saying is "the golden years suck!" His perspective is skewed by his losses and the betrayal of his body and mind. In his mind the good is behind him. I try not to judge that or lecture him to "look at the bright side", because I'm not sure he hasn't earned the right to it. I don't remember if he was so negative before mom died, but I don't think so.

 I tried to get dad to the barber this morning, but he refused to go because "I'm just too tired. I'm always tired anymore. I'm just tired. Let me sleep."  With those words was a weariness of the soul. I cancelled the appointment. Some days are better than others. I do my best to make his days easy, but I understand his limitations. Again, at 92 he's earned the right to take a nap an hour after he gets up!!

He would never say he's got/had it bad. He's just living in a very small world right now. That's hard for a guy who's seen most of the globe and done almost everything he wanted to do in life. So the glass really has emptied for this man who had the world by the tail most of his life.

 But sometimes I catch myself falling into the half empty glass with him. Because I live with/see daily the loss that comes with age, it's hard not to look down the road and think "well crap, this is gunna be a bummer!" When just getting out of bed is exhausting. And then I remind myself that while I may be captain of my ship, I have absolutely no control over the weather. Sure, I can steer the wheel. And on a clear day that might get me somewhere. But during a storm I am at nature's mercy and my best bet is to make sure I have a sturdy ship that can weather that storm. Because there will be another storm. One of the lessons I'm learning is: put up the sails and cruise for all its worth when the weather is good kids!

And another message I heard today: When the glass begins to look half empty and you see your parents enduring so much loss, you need to make sure your ship is storm ready. I know that God is in control and while I do not understand it all-deep in the why's and the "are you kidding me's?"-I've learned to trust even when I can't see through the rain in the storms. Sometimes I understand the why's later. Sometimes I don't. But to realize that He is the master of the clear day as well as the storm and that only He can keep my ship from sinking!

The storms serve a purpose. They help us understand our place in the scheme of things and the limitations of our ship. Our destination has more to do with where the storms blow our ship than our skills as a sailor and how well we sail on a clear day.

Just some thoughts on a clear day. Put up your sails and take your parent out on the water.